Dear browncompanion,


Its been a while since i talked to you, or typed things to you
but i know u are there for me when I'm down
My heart was broken today, but not really shattered to pieces
it's my first ever time I've seriously fallen in love with someone
but the person didnt appreciate my love though we are together
squashed by a banana all i can say


I tried to explain, but it seems useless
I believed that we can make things between us work
but the person kept on doubting me
and keep on holding on to the flaws and mistakes I've made
and literally ignored all the efforts that I've tried to make the person happy
and make our relationship work between the both of us
I'm sure and not afraid to say that Ive made my mistakes
and am willing to change it and never do it agn
in order to maintain our happiness and the strentgh as a couple
but all seems to be a lil too late


My day started quite well
With good intentions of sharing how was my day like for the past few days
And also wanting to ask how have u been
as we didnt talked much for the past few days
and not to forget that i missed u
but came along this msg, when i was abt to share all this to u
hoping that it was a 'miss u too' or a simple question like 'have u had ur lunch?'
didnt turn out that way though
and left myself not having my first meal of the day till 10pm later
i was speechless, and left me thinking that wadever i did to regain your love back
was not appreciated and never been put into consideration 
all of the effort, feelings, thoughts and good intention I had in mind for us has been crushed


I know I was very raw in this
But i feel that i'm getting better at it each day
and im thankful with your guidance
but each day when i told u that i love you and all, u never gave me that assurance back
so it makes me worried and wanting me to talk and msg u more and more each day
just for that assurance
and never tot it will be very suffocating for u
u shud have told me that u need space
and if only u opened up to me and tell me who ur frens were
coz i cared for u, and worried for u
i treat this relationship seriously
and i dont want to treat it like a joke, coz u meant so much to me
but maybe coz its a mistake to do so, coz u told me u didnt
but just so u know it, every relationship is a big deal to me
and i just think its wrong for u to compare with all the other relationship u had
coz every relationship is unique in its own
but its a pity u cant see and treasure the moments we had
coz wad i feel is that u are only thinking about urself
in ways whether i make u happy
i doubt u know whether im happy or any of my emotions
coz everything is about u, whether u had fun going out,
whether ur happy or not, whether this is boring,
whether this place is nice, whether its exciting,
and it all comes down to whether everything satisfies u
u never knew if it satisfies me
but to me, its okay coz my feelings for u are strong
and im willing to make all these sacrifices just for u
its just so hard to get u talking to me
coz u never tell me anything
and everything u expect me to assume
but when i assume something, it might be wrong
i think communication is very important in relationships
but ur not doing it to me, ur not telling me how u feel in the relationship till that day
so i just felt its unfair for me coz i never knew wad u felt
and worst when u told me that u want to avoid me
when i dont even know why is that so
ur not talking to me and telling me wad u feel in the first place
coz i believed when we talk, we can solve problems and mistakes are never made agn
then why do u think i wanna talk to u on the phone when we were together?
why do u think i cared to write for u all the letters?
so, this is why i feel its unfair, coz u never share with me ur feelings inside

i took time to reminisce things about u and us
i rmbered how much u disliked the drink coz of its smell
and also u disliked peanuts in ur chocolate or any forms
i rmbered that u dont like having onions and olives in ur subway sandwiches
i rmbered u not liking carl's jr when we went there once


i rmbered how much both of us like strawberry shortcake

i rmbred our first kiss along the boat quay
though it was quite awkward for me but i liked it
i rmb u saying that u like the way i touch u

i rmbered how much u like pink songs
and the first time u intro me to them
and esp emo-ing on that exact song
u brought me to like pink songs too, though i used to think its just ok
and all the songs that i sent u
the songs that we shared which are similar in liking
and rmb tearing for no reason
till now, i have saved some nice songs
and yet to tell u about it and send it to u

i rmbered the day when u expecting me to say good morning to you
when the first few msgs is about something else
i apologised and till then
i never failed to give u morning msgs and even bid you to sleep at night

i rmbered ur birthday celebration
on our first night picnic and us pitching up a tent
and how ur easily bruised by things that u tried doing urself
and at that point of time, i'm proud of u for at least trying to do it yourself
and stopped u from doing anything for i dont want u to have any unnessacery bruises
and all the things we had, like those sweet korean strawberries, grapes
and tons of candies and chocolates and chips
that i expected u to finish it coz of my small appetite
and the gift i gave u, help u to safeguard ur most important things
and also the card which u cant imagine how much effort ive done to make it awesome
and i rmbered how heavy the rain and how strong the wind was in the morning
when we worked together to remain the tent in an upright position
and i still rmb in our own 'couture' poses while doing so
and the connection and love we had

i rmbered helping u to dress up for some event
and a look at your wardrobe with neat clothings and dresses that u never tried or tried once
but i had to compliment you on how beautiful u looked that day
even recently, u managed to dress urself
no words can describe how proud i am to see u

i rmbered the time when we went to shop
when its just both of us
the feel of freedom and similar tastes
and the pendant which are special for the both of us
i still wear it at times and reminded me of u

i rmbered those times we spent in various places
and the love we shared
Wish i cud type it here, but i think u shud remember them

I rmbered asking u to come up with a list of things u wud like to do
before the reality of the world starts to kick in
i still kept it till now and even remembered it at the tip of my fingers
though u have accidentally lost it
and thought we cud do the things stated together
but it cracked my heart when u said u alr started doing it with someone else

I rmbered the lightsticks that glows 'I <3 U' on your carpark under ur block
people tot i was crazy when i did that
but i dont care to wad ppl think of me coz of how much feelings i had for u
and that rose, u shud know wad it means
but guess all doesnt mean anything to u
even i almost risked myself from being caught by the police for doing so

i just hoped that something better would carry on between us
but then u told me that its difficult to face me as a lover
when all this while i tried to do so myself
so, u got me thinking that all this while u are giving me a falso hope
when i started to feel more for u
when i started to learn how to trust u more
and just to let you know, i have made plans for us in ways we can spend quality time together
and for u to feel loved by me agn
but i just feel u took a short time to think through

its just painful when at times u tried to avoid me
and only replied me in a few sentences
i just felt neglected
and at that point of time, i just tot u were self-centred
coz u dont seem to care how much i have done for u to show my love
and u barely show any appreciation towards me
maybe i was wrong, coz maybe i were to blame
for not understanding u enough

maybe u failed to see wad i see in us
coz like u said, ur expectation is high
i know i dont drive, but told u im getting a license soon enough
and i have plans to drive u ard places
but it seems time is running short for u, and u cant seem to wait eh

Im seriously sorry for all the things that ive done
that seems to go against wad u tot
and also for not being there when u needed me the most
when u are damn upset with how things forces you to change your course of life
i will never forget that mistake
i rmbred promising to you that i will always be there for u when u needed me
and i rmbered that one mistake when i doubted u going out with your fren
i am terribly sorry coz im worried and i need assurance from u
this is just to show how much i concerned abt you
but im willing to change myself and not to repeat all the mistakes
just to maintain this relationship
this is to show how much i respect us being together
i dont know if u have seen the changes ive made in me
coz you have been strongly swayed by all the mistakes ive made
but no other words can describe how much this relationship mean to me
and how much im willing to sacrifice for us

if only u cud hold on to us longer
but i guess all this is too late to be said
just hoped u read this, so that u know wad i feel
and the oblivion im in before u asked for our separate ways
just to let you know, im willing to do anything for u
and also, give all the love and care that u deserved
i really really respect our relationship
and i respected u as my lover
and i believed the strong chances that we have for us to be inseparable
but if only u believed in us
thanks for the memories
i <3 u